Puerca Blanca

A transplant from a humid and far-flung southern land, Puerca Blanca is a quiet pig. She prefers to sit demurely, allowing others to speak, waiting her turn. She is conversant... in technology. (Also, Spanish.) Always polite, always just so. Is she a mute? SHE IS A LADY.

Puerca herself
Puertraiture, by A. Burras

Our Lady In White enjoys wordplay, space, and delicious index cards. What we say, she remembers. Behold.

Cheese Wedge Special: Extra Life 2018 (November 3, 2018)

Paul: When you have enough AC, you don't need feats!

Abigail: In life, we're only guaranteed life. In death, there's no reason why I can't die!

Paul: Great to know; terrible to imagine.

Abigail: I have a plus ten... oh, I have a plus *zero* Diplomacy. I did *not* read that correctly.

Paul: It disappears, because corpses disappear.
Stan (disappointed): Aw.

Paul: This is not the kind of role-playing I planned for. It's only the kind I dreamt of.

Stan: If you suggest you want to ride me, you may get a suggestion of "sure."

Cheese Wedge XVII (June 16, 2018)

Robbie: I want five Cheese Points for free.
Micah: You don't have any money.
Robbie holds up a dollar
Micah: Oh wow, a dollar.

Abigail: I want to ask him if I can eat his pie.

Abigail: I'm comic relief! That's the most important part!

Jonathan: I have a bow, but attacking seems so passé.

Paul: How dare you hurt the monkey!
Abigail: Power attack it.

Bill: All you've done is kill animals.
Abigail: No, I killed a person!

Michael: I cast see invisibility.
Paul: You see your unseen servant. You're struck blind by its ugliness. Man was not meant to see such a thing.

Cheese Wedge XVI (September 17, 2017)

Abigail: I'm stupid. I don't have to be funny.

Robbie: Dad, you're gonna hate me.
Bill: I already do.

Abigail: Can I just die so I can come back not as Good?

Cheese Wedge XV (June 17, 2017)

Bill: I ask permission of the gazebo to have a nice day in the park. (rolls a natural 20) With the diplomacy modifier, that's a 19.
Paul: What he's doing is basically like going into the open maw of a dragon.

Michael: You've got to have faith.

Abigail: If I'm in the finals, I will kill someone so hard.

Jonathan: Suddenly, behind the trolls, there's a thud. And they turn and see a projector screen, and it's showing post from Reddit that says, "Guys, I would really love it if someone could critique my screenplay."

Bill: If I'm this good at not getting hit, I'm probably good at other things.

Abigail: (Her father's character has died.) It's like a precious shiny box handed to me on Christmas.

Paul: Salazar says, "You know this tournament is voluntary, right?"
Bill: Not when your kid makes you come.

Abigail: DUUUDE, do you know how hard it was for me to choose between my friends and the Cheese Wedge?

Cheese Wedge XIV (September 17, 2016)

Robbie: I'll use a Cheese Point for him!
Bill: Why are you doing this?
Paul: Because he's not paying for them.
Bill: It's his allowance money.
(Robbie realizes and takes his Cheese Point back.)

Abigail: It's a dragon. It's like the size of a gazebo. Imagine the damage it can do.

Abigail: It's not fair she gets to do that.
Bill: It's perfectly fair – her parents love her more.

Stan: I may be dating a lizard.

Cheese Wedge XIII (June 18, 2016)

Paul: You're a half-elf bard, not a hot elf bard.
Richard: Well, I have a Charisma 22...

Robbie: How long am I evil?
Paul: Forever.
Robbie: Until I die?
Paul: Yeah, until you die.
Robbie. Someone kill me!

Bill: Oh God, not this guy.

Jonathan: I give Salazar free Cinemax.

Paul: You're suddenly covered in Vaseline and nobody knows why.

Jasper: (asked his AC) Oh that's like thirty...eight.

Bill: I paid the cover charge. (rolls a bluff check... uses a Sharp Cheddar point)

Cheese Wedge XII (September 12, 2015)

Maya: Can I be Nikki Minaj? I mean, theoretically, could that work?

Kevin: I wish we were all in the next room.
Everyone: NOOO!

Paul: He's a cubic wolf.

Paul: What do you do for your round of prep?
Brooklyn: Can I get married?

Maya: You always say hypothetically before you DON'T DO SOMETHING!

Blake: The golem has already threatened us with threatening gazes.

Paul: Does a steak avoid a grill? Not in my experience.

Abigail: I love being a child. <3

Paul: What's the spell you cast every time?
Maya: Uh... Speed running! Long fast!
Paul: Longstrider.
Maya: *fevered nodding*

Cheese Wedge XI (February 28, 2015)

Jonathan: At least he said "no homo" before he stuck his tongue down your throat.
Stan: I'm an elf. I'm into that.

Will: Do I hear a naked, paralyzed body fall to the ground?

Andy: You can beg for mercy. That's worked for me in the past.

Cheese Wedge X (September 13, 2014)

Paul shows the gazebo room.
Paul: Everyone's favorite!
Groans from everyone.
Stan: Actually, I'm just going to keep pounding away at the gazebo.

Michael: The Gazebo doesn't have ears!
Maya: Then why'd you talk to it?!

Maya: (for her round of prep) Magical pretty girl transformation mage armor!

Abigail: (People are discussing how various Planeteers would react to Maya lying to them.) WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!

Paul: Do you rage?
Abi: I don't think so.
Paul: That doesn't sound like the Lady Barbarian I know.
Abi: I'm trying to be smart.

Maya: Bulbasaur, you dingus!

Paul: How are you feeling?
Stan: Well, I'm dominated, so...

Paul: Will, was it Callonesque who died?
Will: Yeah, what else does he do well?

Cheese Wedge IX (June 21, 2014)

Pete: Wetting myself sounds real good right now.
Max: There's no way I can unpiss him off. Wait, do I have Diplomacy? checks sheet Yeah, there's no way I'm unpissing him off.
Liz: Aw, man, I gotta behead this guy.
Paul: You feel safe. It's a bad feeling, but you feel it.
Jason: I cheese point with him.
Stan: But I just got this +5 dagger!
Erik: I should have spent more time drinking potions.
Abigail: I'm going to take my sword and kill him by trying.
Abigail: Daddy! It's your friend the skeleton! It's your friend the skeleton!!!
Jason: He was a skeleton with a knife until he took a sack to the face.
Max: I go up to the dragon and say, "Hey, what's up, bro?" But I don't really say that.
Jason: I use my move action to pull out my ointment of fly.  I use my standard to slather myself in sweet, sweet fly.
Stan: I'll delay until he tugs as well.
Abigail: Eat death, zombie!
Abigail: Zombies, eat my brains! It's worse than nothing!

Cheese Wedge VIII (April 19, 2014)

Paul's Dad (off being invited to come play): No, that's okay. Y'all been doing this so long, I don't want to come along and beat you. I don't know much about those 18-sided dice.

Abigail: Yeah! Another barbarian! You should rage a lot. It's so useful.

Dani: Oh, no. The entire room is made of spears.

Jonathan: Are all the dwarves large now? Spectacular!


Will: I delay for the sorcerer to make a Knowledge roll
Eric: I have no knowledge. All I know is fire.

Doug: That must be the first time I've seen a crowbar related death.

Stephan: I reroll with my shirt.
Paul is bewildered. Stephan points to his shirt.
Paul: That's a Pathfinder Society shirt.
Stephan: It's worth a reroll.

Cheese Wedge Special: Scarab 2014 (January 18-19, 2014)

Jonathan: I hit on the salamander. What's her Charisma score?
Paul: 18.
Jonathan: Uh, yeah! Wait, uh, wait... no.

Paul: You know you're walking amid burning gnomes corpses.
Michael (as a paladin): That doesn't really bother me

Abigail: Tell them that I am bigger than them and if they keep doing that, I will punch them in the face!

Jonathan: I look up at where Salazar's watching us. I wink at him... and now we begin.

Paul (as leprechaun): Can I offer you all a wish?
Abigail: NOOO!!

Bill: That doesn't hit. I missed a building. Okay.

Jonathan: If you delay a round, it will really make my illusion pop.

Abigail: I turn into rage.

Paul D.: I'm fondling my dice; do you mind?
Paul: I... I don't.

Bill: Gnomesy can only be hit by buildings and the Hulk.

Cheese Wedge VII (September 14, 2013)

Paul: Do you inspire the skeleton?
Amanda: Sure...?

JonathanWith how high they are, I might have to role Knowledge (planes).

ErickThe fort was awesome. It cured my blindness

DouglasCan I use my Diplomacy to convince Death to give me two cards for free?
Paul: Yes, you can!

ErickI pull out my axe and try to develop laser vision. I got an 8.

LonI can't go forward with levitate?
Paul: No, that's called fly.
Lon: I can't... lean forward and catch a breeze?

ErickI'm going to caress the door inappropriately.

Jason: What does the fox say?
JasonI'm pretty sure that's what the Tobes says when there's a TPK.

Erick: That brings up several questions, like, 'What is America?,' and 'What is the republican party?'
Jonathan: The xills know. That's all that matters.

Cheese Wedge VI (June 15, 2013)

Dave: Will it give me partial cover? 
Paul: HAA HA HA... no.

Jason (serious as the grave): If you cheese point with me, I will turn around on my next turn and kill you.

Will: Big Mo! It's showtime! Oh... no... I'm inside him. I don't like this at all.

Jason: I pick up the large pie, and I take a big 'ole bite. I go into a rage. "I HATE POISENBERRY!"

Stephen: What do I need? A 30? I made it. Whatever.

Jason: Sorry about your pie. I wish to buy it.

Paul: He's immune to fireball and nothing else. He treats crossbow bolts as little fireballs.

Cheese Wedge V (May 18, 2013)

Andy: I'm going to Cheese point
Paul: With whom?
Max (with exasperation): Guess!

Max: He said to look within ourselves. I rip into Andy's chest.
Andy resignedly holds up a Cheese Point.

Andy: I didn't think I was going to poop my pants, but I did! We were all surprised.

Cheese Wedge IV (February 16, 2013)

Jonathan: Click on the beach ball!
Katie: How do I click?!

Paul: It makes a plant noise.
Maya: "Photosyyyynthesiiize."
Jared: Whoa, how did it heal itself?
Maya: Photosynthesis!