Puerca Blanca

A transplant from a humid and far-flung southern land, Puerca Blanca is a quiet pig. She prefers to sit demurely, allowing others to speak, waiting her turn. She is conversant... in technology. (Also, Spanish.) Always polite, always just so. Is she a mute? SHE IS A LADY.

Puerca herself
Puertraiture, by A. Burras

Our Lady In White enjoys wordplay, space, and delicious index cards. What we say, she remembers. Behold.

Cheese Wedge XVI (September 17, 2017)


Cheese Wedge XV (June 17, 2017)

Bill: I ask permission of the gazebo to have a nice day in the park. (rolls a natural 20) With the diplomacy modifier, that's a 19.
Paul: What he's doing is basically like going into the open maw of a dragon.

Michael: You've got to have faith.

Abigail: If I'm in the finals, I will kill someone so hard.

Jonathan: Suddenly, behind the trolls, there's a thud. And they turn and see a projector screen, and it's showing post from Reddit that says, "Guys, I would really love it if someone could critique my screenplay."

Bill: If I'm this good at not getting hit, I'm probably good at other things.

Abigail: (Her father's character has died.) It's like a precious shiny box handed to me on Christmas.

Paul: Salazar says, "You know this tournament is voluntary, right?"
Bill: Not when your kid makes you come.

Abigail: DUUUDE, do you know how hard it was for me to choose between my friends and the Cheese Wedge?

Cheese Wedge XIV (September 17, 2016)

Robbie: I'll use a Cheese Point for him!
Bill: Why are you doing this?
Paul: Because he's not paying for them.
Bill: It's his allowance money.
(Robbie realizes and takes his Cheese Point back.)

Abigail: It's a dragon. It's like the size of a gazebo. Imagine the damage it can do.

Abigail: It's not fair she gets to do that.
Bill: It's perfectly fair – her parents love her more.

Stan: I may be dating a lizard.

Cheese Wedge XIII (June 18, 2016)

Paul: You're a half-elf bard, not a hot elf bard.
Richard: Well, I have a Charisma 22...

Robbie: How long am I evil?
Paul: Forever.
Robbie: Until I die?
Paul: Yeah, until you die.
Robbie. Someone kill me!

Bill: Oh God, not this guy.

Jonathan: I give Salazar free Cinemax.

Paul: You're suddenly covered in Vaseline and nobody knows why.

Jasper: (asked his AC) Oh that's like thirty...eight.

Bill: I paid the cover charge. (rolls a bluff check... uses a Sharp Cheddar point)

Cheese Wedge XII (September 12, 2015)

Maya: Can I be Nikki Minaj? I mean, theoretically, could that work?

Kevin: I wish we were all in the next room.
Everyone: NOOO!

Paul: He's a cubic wolf.

Paul: What do you do for your round of prep?
Brooklyn: Can I get married?

Maya: You always say hypothetically before you DON'T DO SOMETHING!

Blake: The golem has already threatened us with threatening gazes.

Paul: Does a steak avoid a grill? Not in my experience.

Abigail: I love being a child. <3

Paul: What's the spell you cast every time?
Maya: Uh... Speed running! Long fast!
Paul: Longstrider.
Maya: *fevered nodding*

Cheese Wedge XI (February 28, 2015)

Jonathan: At least he said "no homo" before he stuck his tongue down your throat.
Stan: I'm an elf. I'm into that.

Will: Do I hear a naked, paralyzed body fall to the ground?

Andy: You can beg for mercy. That's worked for me in the past.

Cheese Wedge X (September 13, 2014)

Paul shows the gazebo room.
Paul: Everyone's favorite!
Groans from everyone.
Stan: Actually, I'm just going to keep pounding away at the gazebo.

Michael: The Gazebo doesn't have ears!
Maya: Then why'd you talk to it?!

Maya: (for her round of prep) Magical pretty girl transformation mage armor!

Abigail: (People are discussing how various Planeteers would react to Maya lying to them.) WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!

Paul: Do you rage?
Abi: I don't think so.
Paul: That doesn't sound like the Lady Barbarian I know.
Abi: I'm trying to be smart.

Maya: Bulbasaur, you dingus!

Paul: How are you feeling?
Stan: Well, I'm dominated, so...

Paul: Will, was it Callonesque who died?
Will: Yeah, what else does he do well?

Cheese Wedge IX (June 21, 2014)

Pete: Wetting myself sounds real good right now.
Max: There's no way I can unpiss him off. Wait, do I have Diplomacy? checks sheet Yeah, there's no way I'm unpissing him off.
Liz: Aw, man, I gotta behead this guy.
Paul: You feel safe. It's a bad feeling, but you feel it.
Jason: I cheese point with him.
Stan: But I just got this +5 dagger!
Erik: I should have spent more time drinking potions.
Abigail: I'm going to take my sword and kill him by trying.
Abigail: Daddy! It's your friend the skeleton! It's your friend the skeleton!!!
Jason: He was a skeleton with a knife until he took a sack to the face.
Max: I go up to the dragon and say, "Hey, what's up, bro?" But I don't really say that.
Jason: I use my move action to pull out my ointment of fly.  I use my standard to slather myself in sweet, sweet fly.
Stan: I'll delay until he tugs as well.
Abigail: Eat death, zombie!
Abigail: Zombies, eat my brains! It's worse than nothing!

Cheese Wedge VIII (April 19, 2014)

Paul's Dad (off being invited to come play): No, that's okay. Y'all been doing this so long, I don't want to come along and beat you. I don't know much about those 18-sided dice.

Abigail: Yeah! Another barbarian! You should rage a lot. It's so useful.

Dani: Oh, no. The entire room is made of spears.

Jonathan: Are all the dwarves large now? Spectacular!


Will: I delay for the sorcerer to make a Knowledge roll
Eric: I have no knowledge. All I know is fire.

Doug: That must be the first time I've seen a crowbar related death.

Stephan: I reroll with my shirt.
Paul is bewildered. Stephan points to his shirt.
Paul: That's a Pathfinder Society shirt.
Stephan: It's worth a reroll.

Cheese Wedge Special: Scarab 2014 (January 18-19, 2014)

Jonathan: I hit on the salamander. What's her Charisma score?
Paul: 18.
Jonathan: Uh, yeah! Wait, uh, wait... no.

Paul: You know you're walking amid burning gnomes corpses.
Michael (as a paladin): That doesn't really bother me

Abigail: Tell them that I am bigger than them and if they keep doing that, I will punch them in the face!

Jonathan: I look up at where Salazar's watching us. I wink at him... and now we begin.

Paul (as leprechaun): Can I offer you all a wish?
Abigail: NOOO!!

Bill: That doesn't hit. I missed a building. Okay.

Jonathan: If you delay a round, it will really make my illusion pop.

Abigail: I turn into rage.

Paul D.: I'm fondling my dice; do you mind?
Paul: I... I don't.

Bill: Gnomesy can only be hit by buildings and the Hulk.

Cheese Wedge VII (September 14, 2013)

Paul: Do you inspire the skeleton?
Amanda: Sure...?

JonathanWith how high they are, I might have to role Knowledge (planes).

ErickThe fort was awesome. It cured my blindness

DouglasCan I use my Diplomacy to convince Death to give me two cards for free?
Paul: Yes, you can!

ErickI pull out my axe and try to develop laser vision. I got an 8.

LonI can't go forward with levitate?
Paul: No, that's called fly.
Lon: I can't... lean forward and catch a breeze?

ErickI'm going to caress the door inappropriately.

Jason: What does the fox say?
JasonI'm pretty sure that's what the Tobes says when there's a TPK.

Erick: That brings up several questions, like, 'What is America?,' and 'What is the republican party?'
Jonathan: The xills know. That's all that matters.

Cheese Wedge VI (June 15, 2013)

Dave: Will it give me partial cover? 
Paul: HAA HA HA... no.

Jason (serious as the grave): If you cheese point with me, I will turn around on my next turn and kill you.

Will: Big Mo! It's showtime! Oh... no... I'm inside him. I don't like this at all.

Jason: I pick up the large pie, and I take a big 'ole bite. I go into a rage. "I HATE POISENBERRY!"

Stephen: What do I need? A 30? I made it. Whatever.

Jason: Sorry about your pie. I wish to buy it.

Paul: He's immune to fireball and nothing else. He treats crossbow bolts as little fireballs.

Cheese Wedge V (May 18, 2013)

Andy: I'm going to Cheese point
Paul: With whom?
Max (with exasperation): Guess!

Max: He said to look within ourselves. I rip into Andy's chest.
Andy resignedly holds up a Cheese Point.

Andy: I didn't think I was going to poop my pants, but I did! We were all surprised.

Cheese Wedge IV (February 16, 2013)

Jonathan: Click on the beach ball!
Katie: How do I click?!

Paul: It makes a plant noise.
Maya: "Photosyyyynthesiiize."
Jared: Whoa, how did it heal itself?
Maya: Photosynthesis!